<Begin Transcript>
%: I got your message on X. What’s this about? Why can’t we chat in the department…
*: Remember that beef we profs had about stopping Hitler if we could?
%: Dude, that was academic.
*: No more. I put eyes on the last college essay of that VIP kid in my senior seminar class turned in to me. Superficial at first. Then, in an instant, it goes to a dark place. I mean, he gets really racist, sexist and dehumanizing, especially with LGTBQ. Then he busts out on about what he’d do to those people if he were ever in charge.
%: Who are we talking about?
*: Ferpa.
%: Don’t recognize that name.
*: It’s not a guy, it’s a policy. Privacy and all that.
%: Is it the guy who shares the same last name as the building?
*: STFU girl, or even tenure won’t save you.
%: What are you going do?
*: What’re WE gonna do? This guy’s a danger to everyone. He gets outta college with honors and skips over to the best law and business schools. Yellow brick road to power.
%: Can’t you flunk him with the rubric?
*: That POS. It only dings you on formatting and capitalization and punctuation. You can go full Grand Wizard on a higher ed essay and you still can’t body bag that paper.
%: Did you look for plagiarism?
*: Tried that. Guy didn’t crib anything. Neatly done, like Miss Turabian did the sources.
%: Can you prove he didn’t write it?
*: Perry Mason couldn’t prove it, hon.
%: He’s a fictional character, and argued for the defense.
*: Don’t lawsplain me, woman! This is serious!
%: Well, then print it out now. We can send it to the press when he makes his big run for Congress. It’ll sink his political career.
*: That’s a fine plan…Oh sh
%: What?
*: ….
%: * Tell me what?!
*:…..
%: I’m sending over security if you don’t respond…
*: It’s gone.
%: What?
*: The paper he wrote. 30 secs ago, it’s there. Then in an instant = gone. Just been flushed off the College LMS.
%: How’d he do that?
*: They must know about this chat.
%: Who?
*: Them.
%: I don’t get it.
*: Them who always cover for these kind of people. Oh god. Run!
%: What?
*: Run!
%: Where?
*: ….
%: Marc-…What’s going on?
*…..
%: Printing this chat. Then I’m outta here.
*:….
%……
<End transcript.>
INSTANT NOODLES 