Creaking bookshelves have for centuries groaned under the weight of hefty tomes extolling the virtues of good, honest and, most of all, traditional Transylvanian recipes for variations on the classic ‘Neck Of Virgin’. Yet, only a cursory glance will inform the inquisitive reader-researcher that these books are basically derivations of the same theme – take one juicy, plump neck, carefully move aside any long flowing tresses of hair, slowly slide back the nightdress neckline, and enjoy the feast. Such fare served our ancestors well, but today in central Romania, a revolution is underway. Traditionalists will baulk at the idea, but Ludwig von Reißzahn’s take on the local cuisine will delight and excite the more adventurous connoisseur. Young vampires, shunning their parents’ culinary choices, have been flocking to Reißzahn’s all-night bistro, keen to sample his rightly-famous ‘Virgin Neck Al Dente’. Wishing to experience for myself a rapidly growing culinary trend, this writer visited ‘Reißzahn’s Bistro’, and was not disappointed.
Upon entry, one is immediately struck by the non-traditional ambiance. Gone are the drizzled tallow candles, replaced by subtle neon hues. Piped organ music and gypsy violin have been eliminated; now diners are regaled with subtle modern music from an almost-live DJ, plus, as one poster announced, ‘Undead band every Thursday!’.
The menu is a delight to behold, with the centerpiece being Reißzahn’s latest creation, the ‘Virgin Neck Al Dente’. After sampling this delight, I was fortunate enough to interview the great man, and I asked him why ‘al dente’?
“I grew up with juicy neck of virgin; I still have my father’s old recipe somewhere. But it was all so … flabby. It lacked finesse. And, as you are well aware, finesse is a vital ingredient in all things vampiric. So, one day, I experimented with a firmer neck of virgin, one that would ordinarily have been rejected. I was surprised just how much of a delight it really was. Then and there, I devoted myself to bringing this delicacy to the masses.”
Ever the suave, black-cloaked, raconteur, Reißzahn regaled guests at an adjacent table with a joke, “I heard this last month at a convention for owners of vampire restaurants. A waiter asks a vampire, ‘How do you like your stake?’ To which he replies, ‘Rarely.’ Haha. Get it?”
After the meal and interview, I stayed awhile to sample their extensive Blood List. In the opinion of this writer, you will not find a better selection this side of Brașov. The impudent house O- is a fine accompaniment to any meal on their menu, while the more adventurous diner may wish to partake of one of their robust AB+, a veritable delight for any discerning connoisseur.
In recent years, two and three Fang restaurants have been opening throughout Transylvania but, in the opinion of this writer, Ludwig’s Bistro is worthy of at least a forth Fang; possibly, in time, even that elusive fifth Fang of Vampiric excellence.
(Abridged from January’s edition of ‘Hold The Garlic!’)
INSTANT NOODLES 