Cast of Characters
LOST: a human
JESUS: the son of God
MANAGER: Dairy Queen manager
ACT 1
Scene 1
Setting: a road
LOST
Where is Dairy Queen?
Down this road before.
Can’t find DQ. What’s this?
JESUS
A lost cross walk found. Hello, Jesus Crossing Guard. Sunday, going to church?
LOST
No Dairy Queen. Which way?
JESUS
When you get to Dairy Queen, you’ll know
LOST
How?
JESUS
When you get to DQ you’ll be saved
(lights out)
Scene 2
Setting: inside Dairy Queen
MANAGER
Work at Dairy Queen, no open toe shoes
JESUS
How find my way?
MANAGER
you’ll walk on cream
JESUS
What will you have?
LOST
Seen you before
JESUS
No, I recommend a Blizzard
LOST
Are you denying you crossed me?
A chocolate blizzard, cherry Sunday-small.
(Jesus makes the blizzard, his beard hairs fall into the blizzard, gives order to customer, customer looks at Blizzard).
Hair?
JESUS
this blizzard hair is my body
LOST
cherry Sunday, O.K.
JESUS
cherry sauce is my blood
LOST
Sunday Ok, no hair, make me another blizzard (Jesus takes back the blizzard, puts on a beard protector and makes a new blizzard)
(lights out)
(lights on)
MANAGER
Dairy Queen, separation of church and cream. Jesus-too much church, not enough cream. You’re not working out. This is your last shift.
JESUS
May I eat the food of Dairy Queen?
MANAGER
Yes, this is your last cone
JESUS
My Last Peanut Buster Parfait
(lights out)
Scene 3
Setting: a crucifixion
MANAGER
Crucifixion catered by Dairy Queen
Billy Bars $1
LOST
two Billy Bars (Opens ready to bite)
JESUS
(Jesus’ face on the ice cream bar)
I am the bar of Christ
LOST
you again? no! (sarcastic)
this Billy Bar is my bread,
this wrapping is my blood
JESUS
No, I’m a Jesus Bar
LOST
I can’t eat you
JESUS
Bite down, I am the ice cream of Christ
LOST
Ordered a Billy Bar, not a Jesus Bar,
give me a Billy Bar
(returns the Jesus Bar to the Manager)
JESUS
lick me now
MANAGER
After the crucifixion, resurrection catered by Dairy Queen. Every order gets a free Resurrection Jesus Bar
LOST
(bites into bar) hmm I am saved
JESUS
thy stick is done
(Lights Out)
INSTANT NOODLES 